When the world is changing so much, the assumptions we make can easily become outdated.
There are eight common ways in which this happens. And the second of these ways is the word ‘should’.
‘Should’ is a word that strongly urges us to do something but never quite explains why. And if you want to avoid the danger this brings, it is worth taking the time to become aware of its power.
“You should do that” is clearly an instruction that you ‘ought to’, ‘have to’, or ‘must’ do a thing. It implies a duty, an obligation, or perhaps even a ‘correct’ way of doing things. “You should feel angry about this situation.” “You should vote for me.” “You should buy this product.” All these are statements that command you to do something — but none of them explains why.
If we want to find our best way forward through this churning world, it is essential that we learn to understand this why: “Why should I feel that?” “Why should I think that?” “Why should I take that action?”
Sometimes the answer we get back will be an ‘output’ answer: “Because then the outcome is likely to be ABC.” This is useful. Now we can ask “Why? Why? Why?” again and again until we have created an unbroken chain of understanding between the action we are being told to take and the outcome we want to create. And if we agree that these chain of cause and effect will create the outcome we want, then we can take the requested actions.
But sometimes the answer we get back will be an ‘input’ answer — “It’s because the rules say…,” “Because I say…,” “Because that’s what we’ve always done…,” “Because we are good people and they are bad people…” All these responses are just another set of ‘shoulds’: rules of thumb, habits, policies, and value judgments that act as clear and very visible red flags. They are useful warning signs that have nothing to do with the outcome we want to create. They describe a way of doing things that used to work in the past but in a changing world might not work any more. And following this type of ‘should’ will be risky.
Even long-accepted practices can become shoulds. “A retailer should own stores.” “A hotel chain should own hotels.” “A taxi company should own cars and employ drivers.” It is only when we let go of these unconscious ‘shoulds’ that we become able to find transformative solutions such as Amazon, Airbnb, and Uber.
When we are unaware of the power of the word ‘should’ we put ourselves at risk. We enable other people to manipulate us into taking actions against our own best interest. And by constraining ourselves to think only in terms of the way the world used to work, we prevent ourselves from finding new and better ways of getting the results we most want.
But once we become aware of the power of the word ‘should’ then it becomes a very useful friend and ally: a clear and very visible warning sign that tells us to pause, look closer, and ask ourselves whether we agree. Why should we do that? What outcomes will it create? Is someone making an assumption that no longer holds true? Or are they deliberately trying to manipulate us?
And once we have answered these questions, then we can choose to create the future we most want.
Letting go of our ‘shoulds’ is a key step to innovation: because the more we let go of our old ideas about how the world should be, the more we become able to imagine new ideas for how the world could be.
This is another step to becoming antifragile.
(It is also yet another reason why you really should buy this book — because following its advice will increase your ability to find your own way forward in a changing world.)
When was the last time you heard someone use the word ‘should’? What did they (or you) really mean? Was this ‘should’ really your best way forward?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and a set of tools for building inspiration in a time of change.
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