In this time of massive change, we will increasingly find ourselves in situations where we need to take decisions based on little information and without knowing how things are going to turn out. At times like this it is easy to become stuck.
But before we look at four techniques we can use to get ourselves unstuck (1, 2, 3, 4), let’s first look at a real life example. This was a situation where I needed to make literally a life-or-death decision, based on very little information, and with a great deal of uncertainty about how things would turn out.
Just as I was about to start writing this book I was diagnosed as perhaps having the same kind of cancer that had just killed my father, two months before.
This was very bad news. And it was very bad timing.
But the test wasn’t 100% accurate, so I might not have the cancer.
And even if I did, it might not cause any harm. It might be non-aggressive or benign.
And on the other hand, the treatment they were offering definitely would cause me harm.
And on the other hand it might save my life.
Or it might not work and I might die anyway.
This was a life-or-death situation with almost no facts on which to base my decision. And as I tried to find my way forward, I found myself trapped by all three of the main reasons why people often get stuck:
- Over-thinking:
Because I had limited information about whether or not I had the cancer and high degree of uncertainty about what the outcome might be, I found it very easy to go round in circles, thinking “What if…? What if…? What if…?” - Not knowing who I want to become:
At the same time, given that the doctors were offering me a choice between certain significant harm if they treated me and possible death if they didn’t, I found it very difficult to choose which of these outcomes I wanted. (Neither!) - Fear:
And although I naturally felt scared of dying I was also afraid of living with the negative side-effects of a damaging treatment. And I was afraid of making the ‘wrong’ decision — I felt I somehow had to make the “right” choice. Which meant that I had not just one but three things to be afraid of, which led me back into overthinking, “What if…? What if…?”
And as I churned back and forth between “To operate or not to operate, that is the question,” a thought suddenly popped into my head:
“Yeah, right!” I thought. “Thanks for that.”
But then I reflected. I had often heard people talk about this principle but I had never known what it meant.
“The problem is the opportunity.”
What could it mean?
If this were true then it would mean that in facing my life’s biggest challenge I must also be facing my life’s biggest opportunity. Which meant that this would definitely be a good time to put the principle into practice…
So I asked myself what the ‘opportunity’ in my dreadful situation might be.
Immediately, I felt my stress levels drop significantly. Somehow, just as it says in Chapter 3, simply looking for the opportunities in the situation brought me benefits, even though nothing in the situation itself had changed.
And then, with hindsight, I used the tools of Chapter 1 to connect deeply with what was most important for me. I identified the outcome I really wanted: a 100% cure with zero harm. This clarity brought me the energy I needed to push to make it happen.
Then I used Chapter 2 to realise that the decision I had been stuck in, “to operate or not to operate”, was blinkered thinking. What I needed instead was to find an alternative between these two extremes.
And finally, I used Chapter 3 to convert my problem into an opportunity: I realised that the only thing stopping me from getting the outcome I wanted was me. My problem wasn’t the doctors. My problem was me: I was giving up my power to those doctors when they told me that no other options were possible. What I needed to do instead was to take responsibility for my own healthcare and find a consultant who would give me the outcome I wanted: a complete cure with no negative side effects.
So that is what I did.
As soon as I had made my inner decision I found that everything in my outer world fell neatly into place — far more easily and quickly than I could have imagined. Within two weeks I saw a new consultant. And less than a month later I had a very successful operation, with none of the negative side-effects I had been told were “unavoidable”.
If I’d applied this knowledge from Chapters 1-3 earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of stress and anxiety and achieved the outcome I wanted much sooner. But of course I hadn’t written those chapters yet.
This whole experience of getting myself unstuck, and of seeing what seemed like a massive ‘problem’ become an opportunity, was another major step forward in my becoming more antifragile.
Have you ever needed to make a critical decision, based on little or no information and with a large amount of uncertainty about what the outcome would be? Would you like to be able to do this faster and more easily next time?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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