Many years ago, a man and his son set off to walk to market with their donkey. On the way they passed through several villages.
In the first village the people laughed at them. “You are so stupid”, they said, “one of you should ride the donkey.” That seemed like a good idea, so the son got on the donkey and on they walked together.
Then they came to the second village. “How terrible”, the villagers called out, “forcing the old man to walk while the young man takes it easy. The old man should ride!” So the father and son swapped places.
At the next village they again found themselves the object of ridicule. “You idiots!” the people cried. “You should both ride the donkey!” So they did.
And at the next village the people threw stones: “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” they shouted, “crushing that poor animal! You should be carrying the donkey, not the other way around!”
You can probably see where this is going. At the fifth village the people told them they should stop carrying the donkey and just let it walk to market with them. So they did.
The point is that any ‘should’ is just a rule of thumb: it’s a way of behaving that used to make sense in the past but might not make sense any more.
And different people will always tell you that you should do different things, which means that you will never be able to satisfy them all.
So in this time of change, when the world no longer works the way it used to, and you will never be able to satisfy what all the people around you now say you should, or what the people in your past said you should, doesn’t it make more sense instead to find what is right for you — what truly fits best with your purpose and your values — and do that instead?
Learning to spot your shoulds will help you look for better alternatives and get to your destination faster, your way, and without a sore back. It will help to make you antifragile.
How often do you hear yourself or other people say, “You should…”? Do you ever stop to check what these ‘shoulds’ really mean and whether they make sense? Would it make more sense to get clearer on what you most want, instead of what you think you should?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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