In a changing world, the assumptions we make about how that world works can easily become out of date.
There are eight common ways that this can happen. And the second of these is the word ‘should’.
‘Should’ is a word that strongly urges us to do something but never explains why. If you want to avoid the dangers this brings, it is worth spending the time to become aware of its power.
“You should do that” is clearly an instruction that you ‘ought to’, ‘have to’, or ‘must’ do a thing. It implies a duty, an obligation, or perhaps even a ‘correct’ way of doing things. “You should feel angry about this situation.” “You should vote for me.” “You should buy this book on Inner Leadership.” All these statements command you to do something. But none of them explains why.
If we want to find our best way forward through a churning world it is essential to understand that why: “Why should I think that, or feel that, or take that action?”
Sometimes the answer we get back will be an ‘output’ answer: “Because then the outcome is likely to be ABC.” Now we can keep asking “Why?”, again and again, until we have created an unbroken chain of understanding between the action we are being told to take and the outcome we want to create. If we agree, we can then take these actions to create the results we desire.
But sometimes the answer we get back will be an ‘input’ answer — “Because the rules say…,” “Because I say…,” “Because that’s what we always do…,” “Because we are good people and they are bad people…” All these responses are rules of thumb, policies, habits, and value judgments that describe another set of ‘shoulds’. They are clear red flags: warning signs that have nothing to do with the outcome we want to create. They describe a way of doing things that used to work in the past but might not work any more. And in a changing world, following these shoulds is risky.
Even long-accepted practices can become shoulds. “A retailer should own stores.” “A hotel chain should own hotels.” “A taxi company should own cars and employ drivers.” It is only when we let go of these unconscious shoulds that we become able to find transformative solutions such as Amazon, Airbnb, and Uber.
When we are unaware of the power of the word ‘should’ we put ourselves at risk. We enable other people to use the word ‘should’ to manipulate us into doing things that are against our best interest. We also prevent ourselves from finding better ways of doing things.
But once we are aware of its power, the word ‘should’ becomes a useful friend and ally: a clear and very visible red warning flag that tells us to pause, look closer, and ask ourselves whether we agree. Why should we do that? What outcomes will it create? Is somebody making an assumption that no longer holds true? Are they deliberately attempting to manipulate us? Once we have found our answer then we can choose for ourselves and create our own future, based on a deeper understanding.
The more we let go of our old ideas about how the world should be, the better we become able to imagine new ideas for how the world could be.
This is another step to becoming antifragile.
(And it is yet another reason why you really should buy this book on Inner Leadership.)
When was the last time you heard someone use the word ‘should’? What did you or they really mean? Was this ‘should’ really your best way forward?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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