In a changing world it is often not the physical changes we find difficult but rather the emotional and psychological processes involved in letting go of the way the world used to be and shifting to a new reality.
These emotional / psychological processes are called transitions. And they come in three stages.
The first is Separation. This is where we come to terms with the idea that we have to let go of a past that has gone forever.
To do this, we need to realise that emotions are not rational so they cannot be resolved in purely rational ways. We cannot simply say, “The past has gone, get over it.”
Instead, we need to talk in a language that our emotions will understand. And this is the language of rituals and symbolic acts.
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Retirement Parties
A simple example is the retirement party. Retirement marks a huge change in the life of the person who is leaving, as well as a big change for the colleagues left behind, who are losing a friend and a trusted source of wisdom and experience.
With their rituals of food, speeches, and gifts, retirement parties provide a time and a space for everybody present to process the emotions they are feeling: to give thanks for the past, to acknowledge the reality of the present, and to prepare for a future that will be different. This then enables the event and what comes after to happen more smoothly.
“Sorry you are leaving” cards fulfil a similar role. So do graduation ceremonies, coming of age ceremonies, and funerals. All these things are rituals or symbolic ways of saying, “A significant part of our life is now over. This is why it mattered. And now it is time to move forward.”
There is no single best way to do this. Hold a party or spend time alone; keep a memento or throw something away; bury something, buy something, burn something, or make something new. All of these might be appropriate. Your task is to find a ritual that is appropriate for the situation, for you, and for the unique people around you.
In 2015, in Northern Ireland, a whole society went through a Separation ritual together: they built and then burnt a huge bonfire. This created a symbolic, ritual ending to The Troubles they had been living through. And that then enabled them to shift their attention to create a new future.
Successfully using rituals and symbolic acts will enable you (and the people around you) to Separate from what has gone before. And that will enable you (and them) to turn to face the future you most long to create.
When was the most recent time that a significant part of your life came to an end? Did you hold a symbolic event to mark that ending? How did that affect your ability to move on? What does this experience tell you about how you can best manage the endings and beginnings that are currently happening for you and the people around you?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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Photo By Los Angeles District via StockPholio.net