In a changing world it is often not the physical changes we find difficult but rather the emotional and psychological processes involved in letting go of the way the world used to be and then shifting to a new reality.
These emotional / psychological processes are called transitions. And they come in three stages.
The first stage is Separation. This is where we come to terms with the idea that we need to let go of a past that has gone forever.
To do this well, it is important to realise that emotions are not rational so they cannot be resolved in purely rational ways. We cannot simply say, “The past has gone, get over it.”
Instead, we need to talk in a language that our emotions will understand. And this is the language of rituals and symbolic acts.
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Retirement Parties
A simple example is the retirement party. Retirement marks a huge change in the life of the person who is leaving, as well as a big change for the colleagues left behind, who are losing a friend and a trusted source of wisdom and experience.
With their rituals of food, drink, speeches, and gifts, retirement parties provide time and space for everybody present to process the emotions they are feeling: to give thanks for the past that has gone, acknowledge the reality of the present that is now, and prepare for the different future that is coming.
“Sorry you are leaving” cards fulfil a similar role. So do graduation ceremonies, coming of age ceremonies, and funerals. All these things are ritual or symbolic ways of saying, “A significant stage of our life is over. This is why it mattered. Now it is time to move forward.”
There is no one best way of doing this. Hold a party or spend time alone; keep a memento or throw something away; buy something, burn something, bury something, or make something new. All of these might be appropriate. Your task is to find a ritual that is appropriate for the situation, for you, and for the unique people around you.
In 2015, in Northern Ireland, a whole society went through a Separation ritual: together they built and burnt a huge bonfire. This gave them a symbolic, ritual ending to The Troubles they had lived through. And it enabled them to move on, to shift their attention to building a new future together.
Using rituals and symbolic acts will enable you and the people around you to Separate from the past that has gone. And that will then enable you and them to turn to face the future you most long to create.
When was the last time a significant part of your life came to an end? Did you hold a symbolic event to mark that ending? How did that affect your ability to move on? What does this tell you about how you can best manage the endings and beginnings that are happening now, for you and for the people around you?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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Photo By Los Angeles District via StockPholio.net