Many years ago, a man and his son set off with their donkey to walk to market. On the way, they passed through several villages.
In the first village the people laughed at them. “You are so stupid”, they said, “one of you should ride the donkey.” That seemed like a good idea, so the son got on the donkey and they walked on together.
Then they came to the second village. “How terrible”, the villagers called out, “forcing an old man to walk while the young man takes it easy. The old man should ride!” So the father and son swapped places.
At the next village they again found themselves the object of ridicule. “You idiots!” the people cried. “You should both ride the donkey!” So they did.
And at the next village the people threw stones at them. “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” they shouted, “crushing that poor animal! You should be carrying the donkey, not the other way around!”
You can probably see where this is going. At the fifth village the people told them that they should stop carrying the donkey and simply let it walk to market beside them. So they did that.
The point is that any ‘should’ is just a rule of thumb: a way of behaving that used to make sense in the past but might not make sense any more. Different people will always tell you that you should do different things, and you will never be able to satisfy them all.
So in this time of change, when the world no longer works the way it used to, and you will never be able to do what everyone around you says you should, it makes more sense than ever to find what is right for you — what truly fits best with your purpose and your values — and do that instead.
Learning to spot your ‘shoulds’ will help you find better ways forward, which take you to your destination your way, faster, and without a sore back. Learning to spot your ‘shoulds’ will help to make you stronger and more inspired, antifragile.
How often do you hear yourself or other people say, “You should…”? Do you ever stop to ask yourself what these ‘shoulds’ really mean and whether you agree? Doesn’t it make sense to get clearer on what you really want, instead of going along with what you think you should want?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and a set of tools for building inspiration in a time of change.
You can sign up to daily posts here.
You can buy the book here and the workbook here.
(And remember: you can’t learn to swim just by reading about swimming, you also need to do the practice.)
Photo By Frank Jakobi via StockPholio.net