Another form of distorted thinking we can easily fall into during times of change is when we mistake our feelings for truth. This happens when we feel something so strongly that we imagine our thoughts must be true, regardless of the evidence.
We human beings are emotional creatures. Emotions are what make us more than just machines. Without emotions there would be no love, no joy, no comedy, no sports, no movies, music, friends, lovers, or life-partners. Emotions are what make our lives worth living. So the problem is not the feelings in themselves but the way we sometimes interpret those feelings.
Mistaking our feelings for truth happens in four stages. First something happens. Then we feel something about that event. Then we make up a reason for why we are feeling that feeling.
For example, suppose something doesn’t go the way I wanted. Then I feel upset. And then I decide the reason is because “I should have done something differently so it’s all my fault, I am a bad person.” Or it’s because “They should have done something differently so it’s all their fault, they are bad people.” And so on.
And then, in the fourth step, we mistake these thoughts and feelings for truth. We set up a circular train of thought that says, “Because my feelings (of anger or depression) are so strong, my thoughts must be true, which makes my feelings even stronger, which makes my thoughts even more true!!!”
But our thoughts and feelings are not reality. They are just experiences we are having for a short time. A week from now we will be having a different set of feelings. And just because we think something is true doesn’t mean it actually is true.
Thoughts and beliefs that are not supported by facts can be dangerous. They can lead us into actions that actually make our situation worse. And they can lead us into over-confidence or self-doubt. We think that, “Because I am feeling so good (or so bad) I am bound to succeed (or fail), which means there is nothing I need to do (or can do) to change the outcome.” And then, either through over-confidence or under-confidence, we stop ourselves from taking the actions we could have taken that would have made us more likely to achieve the outcome we want.
In this time of change, no outcome is ever guaranteed or impossible. And when we mistake our feelings for truth we load the dice against ourselves: we make it less likely that we will achieve the outcomes we want.
Better, instead, to remember that our feelings are not the truth. Then we can start to look for the reality of the situation and transform our feelings into something more useful. Then we can start to take the actions that will make the outcomes we want more likely. And that will then bring us another step closer to becoming antifragile.
Do you know someone who believes something strongly without any factual evidence? What kinds of outcomes does that create for them and the people around them? Would it be useful for them to learn to transform their emotions into something more useful?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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