Another type of distorted thinking we can easily fall into during this time of change is when we mistake our thoughts or feelings for truth. This happens when we think or feel something so strongly that we imagine it must be true, despite the evidence.
Human beings are emotional creatures. Emotions are what make us more than just machines. Without emotions there would be no love, no joy, no comedy, no sports, movies, music, friends, lovers, or life-partners. Emotions are what make our lives worth living. And so the problem is not the thoughts and feelings in themselves but the ways we sometimes interpret those thoughts and feelings.
This usually happens in four stages. First something happens that stirs up an emotion in us. Then we make up a story about why we are feeling that emotion.
For example, something I do might not turn out in the way I wanted. Then I feel upset. And then I might decide that the reason is because “It’s all my fault, I should have done something different, I am a bad person.” Or I might instantly decide that “It’s all their fault, they should have done something differently, so they are bad people: stupid, corrupt, subhuman”, and so on.
And then, in the fourth step, we mistake our thoughts and feelings for truth. We set up a circular train of reasoning that says, “Because my feelings (of anger or depression, for example) are so strong, my thoughts must be true, which makes my feelings even stronger, which makes my thoughts even more true!!!”
But our thoughts and feelings are not reality. They are just experiences we are having for a short time. A week from today we will be having different thoughts and feelings. And just because we think something is true doesn’t mean it actually is true.
Thoughts and beliefs that are not supported by facts can be dangerous. They can lead us to take actions that make our situations worse. And they can lead us into over-confidence or self-doubt. We think that, “Because I am feeling so good (or so bad) about this I am bound to succeed (or fail), which means there is nothing I need to do (or can do) to change the outcome.” And then, either through over-confidence or under-confidence, we stop ourselves from taking the actions we could have taken that would have made us more likely to achieve the outcome we want.
In this time of change, no outcome is truly guaranteed or impossible. And when we mistake our feelings for truth we load the dice against ourselves: we make ourselves less likely to achieve the outcomes we want.
Better, instead, to remember that our thoughts and feelings are not truth. Then we can start to look for the reality of the situation and transform our thoughts and feelings into something more useful. Then we can start to take the actions that will make the outcomes we want more likely. And then we will have taken another step towards becoming antifragile.
Do you know someone who strongly believes something despite the facts? What kinds of outcomes does that create for them and the people around them? Would it be useful for them to learn to transform their emotions into something more useful?
Adapted from The Churning, Inner Leadership: a framework and a set of tools for building inspiration in a time of change.
You can sign up to daily posts here.
You can buy the book here and the workbook here.
(And remember: you can’t learn to swim just by reading about swimming, you also need to do the practice.)
Photo By Carlos ZGZ via StockPholio.net