Another form of distorted thinking we can easily fall into during times of change is when we mistake our thoughts or feelings for truth. This happens when we feel or think something so strongly that we imagine it must be true, regardless of the evidence.
We human beings are emotional creatures. Emotions are what make us more than just machines. Without emotions there would be no love, no joy, no comedy, no sports, no movies, music, friends, lovers, or life-partners. Emotions are what make our lives worth living. So the problem is not the thoughts and feelings in themselves but the ways we sometimes interpret them.
Mistaking our thoughts and feelings for truth happens in four stages. First something happens. Then we feel some emotion about that event. Then we make up a reason for why we are feeling that emotion.
For example, suppose something doesn’t go the way I wanted. Then I feel upset. And then I might decide that the reason is because “I should have done something differently so it’s all my fault, I am a bad person.” Or I might instantly decide it’s because “They should have done something differently so it’s all their fault, they are bad people.” Or it might be because they are “evil”, “stupid”, “corrupt”, and so on.
And then, in the fourth step, we mistake these thoughts and feelings for truth. We set up a circular train of reasoning that says, “Because my feelings (of anger or depression, for example) are so strong, my thoughts must be true, which makes my feelings even stronger, which makes my thoughts even more true!!!”
But our thoughts and feelings are not reality. They are just experiences we are having for a short time. A week from today we will be having a different set of thoughts and feelings. And just because we think something is true doesn’t mean it actually is true.
Thoughts and beliefs that are not supported by facts can be dangerous. They can lead us into actions that actually make our situations worse. And they can lead us into over-confidence or self-doubt. We think that, “Because I am feeling so good (or so bad) I am bound to succeed (or fail), which means there is nothing I need to do (or can do) to change the outcome.” And then, either through over-confidence or under-confidence, we stop ourselves from taking the actions we could have taken that would have made us more likely to achieve the outcome we want.
In this time of change, no outcome is guaranteed or impossible. And when we mistake our feelings for truth we load the dice against ourselves: we make ourselves less likely to achieve the outcomes we want.
Better, instead, to remember that our thoughts and feelings are not the truth. Then we can start to look for the reality of the situation and transform them into something more useful. Then we can start to take the actions that will make the outcomes we want more likely. And then we will have taken another step to becoming antifragile.
Do you know someone who believes something strongly without any factual evidence? What kinds of outcomes does that create for them and the people around them? Would it be useful for them to learn to transform their emotions into something more useful?
Adapted from The Churning, Inner Leadership: a framework and a set of tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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