As you work to bring your passion to the world, people will inevitably tell you that you’re doing it wrong. They’ll say you’re too early or too late, too simple or too complicated, too deep, too shallow, going about it in the wrong way, in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
Listen to them and thank them.
And then remember that we are all human becomings and it has taken you your whole life to come to the understanding you have now, just as it has taken them their whole life to come to theirs.
So the fact that they are bringing you what seems like negative feedback might mean one of four things:
- They are far ahead of you in the way they understand the world, so the changes you suggest are no longer relevant for them.
(This likely means their feedback is encouraging you to move forward faster but they’re not articulating it very clearly. You might ask them to explain further.) - They are far behind you and not yet ready to understand the changes you are suggesting.
(In which case, is it really a priority for you to help them catch up? How much energy and resources would that take? Is it worth the effort?) - They are exactly the people you are trying to influence but they are not understanding the way you are communicating your vision in the way you want them to.
(So listen to them, understand their point of view, learn from them, and improve your message to make it more relevant to the way they see the world.) - They are simply on a different path, heading towards a different purpose with different values.
(So your work will never be relevant for them.)
What seems like negative feedback is always an opportunity: either to refine and improve your message or to stop wasting time and move on.
So when someone brings you what seems like negative feedback, listen to them, thank them, and make sure you’ve understood them correctly. Then ask yourself: does this change my priorities, or does it change the route I take to reach those priorities? And then take action, either the same as before or better.
Have you recently received what seemed like negative feedback? Was it an opportunity for you to improve your understanding, improve the way you are communicating, or simply put your energy and resources elsewhere?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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Photo by Pedro Ribeiro Simões via StockPholio.net
Well said – dealing positively with one own’s emotions when getting “negative” feedback is key to proceed on the path oneself has envisioned to go. Perhaps some pivoting, reframing, or new wording will be necessary. Nevertheless we are all born to learn a life long.
Thanks Ralf, I’m glad you found it useful.
The reframing you talk about is explicitly covered in Chapter 2 of inner leadership.
And as you also say, knowing our Purpose clearly provides a ‘lighthouse’ that we can use to orient ourselves in the deepest storm. This is Chapter 5.
With just those two tools then life long learning suddenly becomes a lot easier 🙂