Before we start out on a new project, role, or relationship, our previous project, role, or relationship must come to an end. These endings are not always easy, and sometimes we can find ourselves longing for what we have lost.
This means that if we want to step more quickly and more fully into our new life, and the possibilities it brings, it is incredibly important for us to learn to manage not only the practical changes we encounter but also the psychological and emotional transitions that accompany each change.
These transitions come in three stages:
- Separation
Here we let go of our old life and identity.
This is the pregnancy before we have the baby, the packing-up stage before we move home.
Here we know that something new is coming but it hasn’t yet begun.
This Separation stage is about coming to terms with letting go of our previous life and identity.
. - Liminal or Threshold Stage
Here we cross the threshold and step into our new life. Our old identity has gone but our new identity hasn’t yet formed so we’re in a kind of limbo, a no man’s land.
This is the day the baby is born, the day we move into our new house, our scary first day at our new school or in a new role.
Here our old life is definitely over but our new life is still unclear.
In this Liminal or Threshold stage, the priority is to manage our uncertainty.
. - Consolidation Stage
Here is where we find our feet.
This is when we turn our new house into a home: “Where shall we put the cups and plates? Where shall we hang this picture?”
This is the first few days and weeks of learning to be a parent or getting to know our new classmates or colleagues.
Here the process is about consolidating our new role and identity by weaving its different elements together.
These three stages of psychological and emotional transition accompany every major change in our lives.
And as the change guru William Bridges puts it:
“It isn’t the changes that do you in, it’s the transitions.”
The better we can learn to manage our emotional transitions, the easier it becomes to manage the changes in our lives. And the better we can manage our own transitions, the better we can help the people around us to manage theirs.
All this is yet another step to becoming antifragile.
How well are you and the people around you currently managing the changes that are happening in your lives? Would it be useful to improve your ability to manage the psychological and emotional transitions that accompany each change, so that you can let go of your life as it once was and step more fully and enthusiastically into your life as it is going to be?
Adapted from The Churning, Inner Leadership: a framework and a set of tools for building inspiration in a time of change.
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Photo by David D via StockPholio.net