Whenever we start out on a new project, role, or relationship the previous stage of our life comes to an end.
These endings are not always easy. Sometimes we find ourselves clinging on to or longing for the past that has gone.
If we want to step more quickly and fully into the new life that is coming and the possibilities it brings, this means that it is incredibly important to learn to manage not only the practical changes we encounter but also the psychological or emotional transitions that accompany those changes.
These transitions come in three stages:
- Separation
Here we let go of our old life and identity.
This is the packing-up stage before we move home, the pregnancy before having a baby, the last few days after we’ve quit our job and know that we are leaving but we’re still working out our notice period.
In Separation we know that something new is coming but it hasn’t yet begun.
Here the process is about fully letting go of our old life and identity.
. - Liminal or Threshold Stage
Here we cross the threshold and step into our new life. Our old identity has gone but the new one hasn’t yet formed so we’re in a kind of no man’s land.
This is the day we move into our new house, the day the baby is born, our first day at the new school or in the new role.
In the Threshold stage our old life is definitely over but our new life is still unclear.
Here the process is about managing the uncertainty.
. - Consolidation Stage
Here we find our feet.
This is the first few days after we’ve moved into our new house and we turn it into a home: “Where shall we put the cups and plates? Where shall we hang this picture?” This is the first few days and weeks of learning to be a parent or getting to know our new colleagues or classmates.
The Consolidation stage is a time where we establish our new role and identity and weave the different parts together.
These three stages of psychological and emotional transition accompany every major change we live through.
And as the change guru William Bridges explains:
“It isn’t the changes that do you in, it’s the transitions.”
The better we can learn to manage our emotional transitions, the easier it will become to manage the practical changes in our lives. And the better we can learn to manage our own transitions, the better we will be able to help the people around us to manage theirs.
All of this is another step to becoming antifragile.
How well are you and the people around you managing the changes that are currently happening in your lives? Would it be useful to get better at managing the transitions that accompany those changes, so that you can more easily let go of your life as it once was and step more enthusiastically into your life as it is going to be?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and a set of tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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Photo by David D via StockPholio.net