Whenever we start out on a new project, role, or relationship, our previous project, role, or relationship also comes to an end.
These endings are not always easy. And sometimes we long for the past that has gone.
This means that if we want to step more quickly and fully into our new life and the possibilities it brings, it is incredibly important to learn to manage not only the practical changes we encounter but also the psychological or emotional transitions that accompany the changes.
These transitions come in three stages:
- Separation
This is where we let go of our old life and identity.
This is the packing-up stage before we move home, the pregnancy before having a baby, the last few days after we’ve quit our job and know that we are leaving but are still working out our notice period.
In Separation we know that something new is coming but it hasn’t yet begun.
This stage of the process is about fully letting go of our old life and identity.
. - Liminal or Threshold Stage
Here we cross the threshold and step into our new life. Our old identity has gone but the new one hasn’t yet formed so we’re in a kind of limbo, no man’s land.
This is the day we move into our new house, the day the baby is born, our first day at a new school or in a new role: our old life is over but our new life is still unclear.
Here the process is about managing our uncertainty.
. - Consolidation Stage
Here we find our feet.
This is the first few days after we’ve moved into our new house and we turn it into a home: “Where shall we put the cups and plates? Where shall we hang this picture?” This is the first few days and weeks of learning to be a parent or getting to know our new colleagues or classmates.
Here the process is about establishing our new role and identity and weaving its different parts together.
These three stages of psychological and emotional transition accompany every major change we live through.
And as the change guru William Bridges puts it:
“It isn’t the changes that do you in, it’s the transitions.”
The better we learn to manage our emotional transitions, the easier it becomes to manage the practical changes in our lives. And the better we learn to manage our own transitions, the better we can then help the people around us to manage theirs.
All this is another step to becoming antifragile.
How well are you and the people around you currently managing the changes that are happening in your lives? Would it be useful to get better at managing the psychological and emotional transitions that accompany change, so that you can let go of your life as it once was and step more fully and enthusiastically into your life as it is going to be?
Adapted from Inner Leadership: a framework and a set of tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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Photo by David D via StockPholio.net