In this time of massive change it is easy for us to become overwhelmed by having too much information (or too little) or by overthinking or fear. Then we can easily become stuck.
To avoid this, and get ourselves unstuck, we need to find ways of taking decisions based on little information or without being able to predict how things will turn out.
One of doing this is by learning from people we admire. And we can achieve this by taking three simple steps.
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Step One: Identify People You Admire
Choose one to three people you have never met but whom you admire greatly: role models who taught you something important even though you never met them. They might be people from history or they might still be alive.
For each person write down or (better still) discuss with a friend, colleague, or partner:
- Who is the person?
- What are the values you admire in them?
- What flaws or weaknesses did they or do they have?
- What, despite those flaws, have they achieved that you admire them for?
Discussing this with someone you trust will enable them to help you draw out a deeper understanding of what matters most to you by asking open questions* such as “Why?” “What do you mean by that?” “Can you give me an example?”
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Step Two: Identify People Who Have Helped to Shape You
Next, choose between one and three friends, mentors, leaders, or teachers who you have known in real life and who have taught you something important along the way: something that has helped to shape the person you are today.
Again, either write down or discuss with a close friend or partner:
- Who is the person?
- What did they love that you loved them for loving?
- What were their flaws or weaknesses?
- What, despite those flaws, did they achieve that you admire them for?
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Step Three: Compare, Contrast, and Focus
Now compare your answers to these questions. What stands out as important for you?
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Your answers to these three questions will show you four things.
First, what you value and admire most in others reveals what you value most in yourself. What you admire in others shows you your own values and priorities: the type of person you want to become. The more clearly you know these things, the better you will be able to find a way forward that inspires you to long to make it happen.
Second, what you think of as flaws and weaknesses in other people shows you what you want to avoid in yourself. So if you write down the opposites of those flaws and weakness, that again helps to reveal the type of person you want to become.
Third, when you compare the accomplishments of the people you most admire that brings you a deeper understanding of the kind of outcomes you most want to be part of creating.
And fourth, and probably most importantly, your answers to these questions show you that even the people you most admire are not perfect. They had or they have flaws. But they still managed to live their lives in ways you think are important. They have achieved things that matter to you. And if they can do it then so can you. You don’t need to wait to be perfect before you start working to create the results that matter most to you. You just need to be clearer about what those things are — and inspire yourself to begin.
Understanding more clearly who you most admire, and why, will improve your ability to take decisions based on little information and without knowing how things are going to turn out. Because the better you know what matters most to you, the better you can inspire yourself to choose your best way forward, no matter what is going on around you. This is yet another step to becoming antifragile.
Who are the people you most admire? Why? Who could you discuss that with?
* Open questions are questions that don’t limit or define the range of possible answers. Closed questions limit the possible responses. For example, “Was it red or green?” is a closed question. “What colour was it?” is a partly-open question. “Did it have a particular colour?” is a truly open question.
Adapted from The Churning, Inner Leadership: a framework and tools for building inspiration in times of change.
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